old dogs and new tricks

Trey just ran like a madman for the couch and totally made it too. He's pretty proud of himself but he is stomping around DW's apartment like a bunch of fat people being chased by zombie werewolves. It stresses me out. She doesn't want me to stress but old habits die hard. She wants to sleep and made that obvious when she slammed her bedroom door shut when trey was playing with a doggie squeak toy. I get being cranky in the morning, with all my heart, I'm just wondering if she's thinking this whole living with kids idea wasn't the best after all. It's hard, having someone who wants to wake up at the ass crack of dawn every day regardless of hours of sleep and needs breakfast, meds, playmates, supervision, electronics assistance, how-to-play-with-cats-without-getting-bitten tutorials .... He just leapt off the couch for the 55th time and I don't have the ADHD-whispererer magic that she does to get the point across to him ... she is amazing with this little boy, I feel like I am getting schooled as a mom sometimes. I also feel like she is doing all the work. She says if she feels overwhelmed she will tell me ... I just don't want to lose this. If this is how real love feels, I'm giving it one shot, with her and only her, because the thought of losing it hurts so much I don't think I would have the balls to try again with anyone else. I've never loved this way before.

dirty bingo

so sometimes i just don't know how to call a spade a spade. i think i manage to convince myself that things don't bother me when they do. why the fuck do i do this? it's really stupid. that chinese food isn't rotten, i might say.i wouldn't want to hurt it's foodie little feelings by tossing it in the dumpster for the rabid raccoon who lives in my neigborhood to eat and get sick off of, so i will eat it. dumbass. i sent my girlfriend off to play dirty bingo and possibly get too drunk to drive back to my house tonight. lets be real here. did i have a choice in the matter? sure! be an asshole and say no, i miss you, i want you here, i don't want you playing dirty fucking bingo without me, asshole like, or the right way, which is to NEVER order the woman you love around and tell her what to do. she made these fucking plans before she met me! shit, if i had plans like that, would I cancel? no. i might work a little harder at making sure she came along too, but then again, we come back to the controlling asshole aspect of you go with me or not at all. i hate controlling. i hate it. it was done to me for so long i refuse to do it to someone else. am i just getting a taste of my own medicine and not liking it? fuck.

oregon is beautiful

Life is a funny adventure, isn't it? I'm chilling on the couch with the most amazing chick,funny, educated, well spoken, gorgeous, fun, open, witty, loving, affectionate ... her pro and con list is totally off balance. the pro side is a mile long and the con side has nothing ... yet ...