confessions from the road to hell that was paved with good intentions

A. deserves that C. I'll leave those zeroes there. D has been coming in and trying to make up work, she ahs separated herself from her friends so she can focus. I'll keep taking away those awful module grades from when she didn't care about me, herself, or anything other than gossiping and chicks. J broke his hip - he just fell in the hallway before class. He limped around school in intense pain for a week before he got to a doctor. He's a 16 year old boy, not an osteporatic post-menopausal woman. Then he couldn't get work done because his family can't afford a laptop and he had no access to his assignments. Out go the module grades. AG yet again wouldn't sit down for a moment, refused to even write a name on his assignment, and almost started a fight with A today. He needs that high D - he needs to see he could have done so much better.
I am fixing grades.
I always tell my students - you earned that A/B/C/D/F, I didn't GIVE it to you! You should be proud/ashamed/motivated to do better. Now, though, for the first time in my teaching career, I am throwing out zeroes because I felt the mode of "instruction" (it felt more like babysitting) was not effective and didn't serve my students needs. What good does it do them to suffer these zeroes? There are a few I am letting pass only because if they don't, they are lost for good. They did enough work, they had enough good days that I know they can pul it together for me. I will let the manic-depressive behavior influence my judgement just enough to say - that day, she wasn't on her meds. I could tell. She gets a pass that day.
It just sucks that now I won't know for sure until this course is over if my instruction could have made the difference. Now they have to sit through those accursed modules again until we get to chemistry - my true love. My only concern is whether or not I can order supplies to give them the hands on lab experiences they deserve to understand the topics I want to teach them. I have now spent a month buliding up their confidence in conjunction with their math teacher, who uis apparently my teaching twin. She is caring, brilliant, emotionally invloved with the kids and invested in their learning. We have spent hours talking about them and how to help them, and it seems we are stalled at every turn. Why aren't we being recognized for the successes we are having with these difficult, learning disabled, emotionally resistant kids? To see them with us, you would never know they started out the school year with every intention of getting us fired before they ever met up. Quit, get fired, make our lives so miserable we would leave in tears, didn't matter. Now if she cries, they come to me too to make sure I'm ok. They use our names interchangably and never notice they do it, they call us Mom. Ma. Mommy. Mom. Ma ... and this is because we changed the mode of instruction so we could reach them and give them the attention they desperately needed. Now they are willing to suffer the modules in order to protect our jobs! Why can't our principal see what we have done here?!
I am proud of what I have done. I am proud of my lessons and I am proud to be a part of this school. I am just tired of crying over it.